


Just Kiss Me Again

by amsves



Series: Love's a (Mind) Game, Wanna Play? [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff and Angst, Graduation, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 14:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6427810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amsves/pseuds/amsves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I miss you.You can’t just tell me you love me and then leave me alone, Phil. That’s not how it works.”</p><p>He didn’t think he’d feel free after that horrible confrontation, but he at least thought he’d feel a bit lighter. All he feels now is numb.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Kiss Me Again

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to "You Have to Kiss Me," and you should probably read that one first.

It’s been two weeks since that day when they first said ‘I love you’ in Phil's bedroom, and Dan’s worried, because Phil hasn’t said it again.

The past two weeks have been filled with exams and graduation plans and desperate all-nighters to finish uni essays before the due date. Dan’s been stressed to hell, pulled in a thousand directions at once and feeling like he’ll rip in two, because he has no idea what he’s going to do. He’ll finish high school, probably as valedictorian without even trying, and then what?

It’s not helping that Phil’s not around.

Sure, Phil has to deal with the same shit as Dan, and it’s probably much harder for him, seeing as he’s not a super-genius and he runs a successful Youtube channel, but still. Dan would appreciate just a simple good-morning text (sent at noon, because they both know Dan doesn’t go to sleep until five and wake until mid-afternoon), or an invite to lunch, or something. Anything to show that Phil actually cares about him.

And it sucks, because all these emotions are totally ruining his ‘IDGAF’ reputation he’s worked so hard to make.

Graduation looms on the horizon, ever present and every worrying, and Dan hasn’t heard from Phil at all.

-

It’s the night before graduation, and Dan’s wondering if the radio silence is Phil’s way of breaking up with him.

You know, because normal people, when about to make an important and life-altering decision that might send them thousands of miles away from each other, sit down and have a chat about their relationship. Should they try long-distance, should they see other people, etc. Dan’s tried, believe him, but Phil’s ignoring his texts and calls, and Dan’s pretty sure that’s a sign that Phil doesn’t want to be with him any longer.

But if you asked Dan if that was the reason he was up until way past midnight staring at his bedroom ceiling and silently crying (which he totally wasn’t doing), he’d tell you otherwise.

When the morning of the graduation ceremony comes around, Dan rolls out of bed exhausted, having not slept at all. He’d tried, even going to bed at a decent hour (if two a.m. can be considered decent, and it most certainly can be by Dan’s standards), but to no avail. He’s sleep deprived, he’s staring into the unknown and about to shoved off a cliff and into the void, and his boyfriend is AWOL. Dan’s about ready to scream at the next person who talks to him.

Thankfully, when his mother asks how he slept, he manages to keep his wails inside his head and instead answers that he slept fine. His mom just tsks and smiles into the cup of coffee in her hand.

“Not so well, huh? That’s alright, I didn’t sleep the night before I graduated, either. Too scared. But you’ve got nothing to worry about,” she says, taking her oldest son’s hand. “You’re so smart, Daniel. You’ll be good at whatever you want to do. And any university would be a fool not to accept you.”

Dan wonders if she knows that he’s only turned in one application, and it’s to a university that would accept literally anyone. He’s hit rock bottom. He’d missed all the other deadlines. But not because of Phil. Of course not. It’s not because of Phil. He’s a strong, eighteen-year-old man now, not a little girl crying because her boyfriend broke up with her.

But that’s what you are, the voice in Dan’s head croons, and Dan jumps, because for a second he thought it was Phil.

He missed what his mother said next. “What?”

“Spacing out, are we?” His mother smiles gently and rubs circles on the back of Dan’s hand with her thumb. I just said that I love you and I’ll support you, no matter what you choose. Uni, the military, none of the above, it doesn’t matter. I just want you to be happy.” Tears are pricking at the corners of her eyes.

Dan swallows, despite the lump in his throat. “Mom, I need to tell you something.”

“What is it, Bear?”

Dan smiles at the use of his old nickname. “Well, you see, the thing is,” he takes a deep breath to steady himself, “Mom, I think I’m gay.”

“You think?” She looks up at him questioningly.

“Well, no. Actually, I’m pretty sure.”

Dan doesn’t have time to blink before he’s engulfed in an enormous bear hug. “Oh, honey. I’m just so glad you told me. It doesn’t matter to me.”

Dan totally doesn’t start sniffling right then and there in his kitchen.

Eventually, his mother lets him go. “Now, go get a shower. Oh, and this is for you,” she adds, holding out the cup of coffee she was clutching. “Figured you wouldn’t sleep well.”

Dan smiles ear-to-ear and downs the now-lukewarm coffee in a few gulps. “Thanks, Mom.”

He doesn’t look back as he leaves the kitchen, but he hears the choking sound she makes, and thinks to himself _wow, I really have the best mom on the planet._

-

Dan’s just about to get in line for graduation when he spots the familiar head of black hair that’s been avoiding him for two weeks. “Phil!” he shouts, and Phil turns around. When he sees that it’s Dan, he reverts back to his original position, staring straight ahead and hoping Dan doesn’t notice him.

Dan runs up to Phil (a ridiculous feat, considering he’s in a suit and also Dan Howell does not run, so the little fucker better appreciate the fact that Dan loves him a whole fucking lot) and asks a simple question. “Phil, why are you ignoring me?” He hates the way his voice sounds, whiny and weak and cracking on the first syllable of ‘ignoring,’ but he hates actually being ignored much more.

“Sorry,” Phil replies robotically, “I’ve been busy. Graduating stuff, you know.” He shrugs apathetically and turns away.

Dan grabs his shoulder, spinning him around. “Me too, but I’ve been trying to get a hold of you. I know you’ve read my texts. I don’t know if you’ve listened to my voicemails, but I’d bet not, because every one of them ends in ‘please call me Phil, I miss you.’ You can’t just tell me you love me and then leave me alone, Phil. That’s not how it works.” By the end of his speech, he’s pleading, though he’d tried his hardest not to.

Phil shrugs again. “I meant to call,” he starts, but Dan cuts him off.

“Why didn’t you?”

Phil refuses to meet his eyes.

Dan feels guilty, even though that’s absurd, because Phil’s the one who’s causing all this shit in the first place. “Phil,” his wretched voice breaks again, revealing just how torn up he is as he moves in for a kiss.

Phil turns away. “No, Dan. Not right now.”

Dan grabs both sides of Phil’s head and looks him directly in the eye. “Philip Michael Lester, what in the hell is wrong with you?” Phil doesn’t answer, but it dawns on Dan anyway. “You don’t want me in your head, do you?” he questions, and when Phil doesn’t answer again, Dan knows he’s hit the jackpot. “What’s in there that you don’t want me to see? Is there someone else? Is there a girl? Are you planning on dumping me just as soon as graduation is over? Because if that’s the case, it’s no longer necessary.” He turns to walk away.

“Dan!” Phil shouts after him.

“No, Phil. You had your chance. You had me. And you took me and crumpled me up and threw me on the ground, and then stomped on me. So I’m sorry, but I’m really not sorry.” He walks back to his spot in line, trying desperately not to tear up.

He didn’t think he’d feel free after that horrible confrontation, but he at least thought he’d feel a bit lighter. All he feels now is numb.

-

“Daniel James Howell,” the headmaster announces, and as Dan steps forward to receive his diploma, Mom snaps a picture. _This is it,_ he thinks to himself. _I’m done with high school. I’m free from that hellhole full of idiots._

After the graduation is complete, he meets up with Mom in the reception area. She pulls him into another big hug and sobs onto the shoulder of his suit. “My little baby’s all grown up,” she sobs, and Dan stands there awkwardly, patting her back. “He doesn’t need me anymore.”

 _That’s not true at all,_ Dan wants to say, but he doesn’t. They’ll take a few more pictures with the couple of other people who came to see Dan on his big day, and then it’ll be time to leave. Dan won’t be going with his mom, though. He and PJ and Chris are going to hang out and go through the yearbook, laughing at bad pictures and awful superlatives and talk about where everyone will be in ten years.

After that, Dan’s going to pack his bags and head to the shit college early, he thinks. _There’s no point in hanging around. I've done everything I need to do._

He repeats that like a mantra in his head through all the photos he’s forced to pose for. After the final one, Mom envelops him in another hug. This time, he doesn’t stand there awkwardly. He hugs back, squeezing as hard as he can. “Thank you,” he forces out, “For the first eighteen years of my life.”

“Did I do an okay job?” she asks, just as choked up as he is.

It takes everything Dan has not to lose it completely as he answers, “You did a fantastic job.”

And screw his ‘IDGAF’ reputation, he starts crying right there.

-

Mom waves goodbye, still crying, though it’s mostly subsided. Dan waves back, and then turns to walk to PJ’s car before stopping in his tracks. Phil’s standing right in front of him.

“Excuse me,” Dan mutters, “I need to get around you.”

“Dan,” Phil begins, but Dan stops him.

“Just what gives you the idea that you can talk to me right now?” Dan flies into a rage. “How dare you? You give me jack shit for two weeks, and then you think you can just show up now and fix everything? What are you going to say, that you bought us train tickets to Paris or some crap?”

“Well,” Phil turns the deepest shade of pink possible as he pulls out two round-trip tickets to Paris. “I did.” 

Dan’s shocked speechless. _Literally what the fuck. Maybe I'm a telepath._ Phil continues. “I’ve got it all planned out. I have the itinerary in my car. I’ve made reservations at the best place I could afford and that would take our reservation so short notice. We’ll see all the sights, try all the food there is to try, and maybe you’ll forgive me for being such an ass. It’ll be a week in the most romantic city in the world, and I think that’s only fitting for the weird romance between the punk valedictorian and the telepath.”

“So this is why you didn’t want to see me,” Dan muses.

“Well, yeah,” Phil looks apologetic (good, he should be, giving Dan grief for two weeks), “If we were in the same room, I didn’t think I would be able to stop myself from kissing you. And then, you know, you’d see in my head and ruin the whole surprise.”

“You could have called,” Dan jabs, but it’s half-hearted.

“Yeah, and I should’ve. But every time I picked up the phone, I thought of something else I had to do. I just wanted this to be perfect for us, Dan,” Phil pleads, and Dan melts.

“Any trip to Paris with you is going to be perfect, Phil,” he whispers. “Any trip at all, in fact. Hell, just hanging out with you in my living room playing Mario Kart would be perfect.”

Phil doesn’t respond, just presses his lips against Dan’s.

Fuck, Dan’s missed this feeling. This pure, unadulterated bliss of _this is Phil, and Phil loves me._ This perfect moment.

Eventually, they have to pull away. Dan chuckles. “You do realize, I have plans with Chris and PJ, right? What if I say that I can’t cancel?”

“That’s alright,” Phil responds with a shit-eating grin. “The train doesn’t leave for another forty-five minutes.”

“Forty-five minutes?” Dan responds, stunned. “Phil, how am I going to get home, pack everything I need, and get to the train station in forty-five minutes?”

“You’re already packed,” Phil responds. “I asked your mom if I could do this. She packed your bag, and it’s in my car. All we have to do is go.”

Dan’s in awe of how much Phil’s planned this out. “Phil, I-“ He can’t quite find the words to complete his sentence, but it’s okay, because Phil knows exactly what he wants to say.

“Just kiss me again,” he instructs, and Dan’s all too happy to do just that.

Fin.


End file.
